take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize