Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
