there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
my poor anus
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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