Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize