my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
