Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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