oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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