I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
