This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
