So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
