I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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