AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
