grandma shit on top of the toilet
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
