someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
