at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
