I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
