Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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