yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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