I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
