Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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