Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
