How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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