She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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