She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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