sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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