my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
