standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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