Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
