Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My cat gives me a boner
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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