Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
