Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I could make wine with my vomit
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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