Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
