He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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