Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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