You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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