i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
