Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
the raccoons are back...
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