Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
