so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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