Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Text me some of your sweat
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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