STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
