Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
