He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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