My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize