I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
