just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
