dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
