she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
