i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
