I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
