im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
