Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
