what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Randomize
