I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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