I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
