she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so let's talk penis.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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