You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize