It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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