You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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