That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
