I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
