dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
