toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
