weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
