Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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