im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can text with my tongue
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
