i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
