If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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