I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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