if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
bring money and cleavage
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
