I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
