Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
