something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
