Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
