1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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