Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
