I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is Oprah even human
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
