my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
