im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
