Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
