i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
