I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
