I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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