I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
