tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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