Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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