You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
