Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
