I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
