Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she peed on how many people?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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