Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You left your underwear on the fireplace
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
