I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
