i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
