wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we should paint friendship bongs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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