So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So. Much. Porn.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
