I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
