What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize