Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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