why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize