I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Two words: blizzard sex
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
