he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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