you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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