the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
