I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize