Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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