well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
