i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
