i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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