i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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