Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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